Sunday, October 20, 2013

Cheers and Fears (Now what?)

Finally, I was able to open the edited file of Book #1. The editing suggestions were concise and minor. Truth be told, much less than I expected and dreaded. Once I started accepting and making the final edits, I realized I wasn't dreading the effort or the degree, but the actual completion of the book. Huh! What's up with that?

The whole point of writing a book is finishing it and publishing it, right? After all, I want to "write books and make a living doing the same." To write books means to actually FINISH the books (drafting, putting in, revising, editing, and publishing). Yet, now that Book #1 is nearly finished, fear and panic has set in.

Instead of, "The book is finished, whoot!," I am experiencing "No way can this book be finished!"

I think due to ingrained beliefs, "finished" in this instance translates into "not good enough." Not good enough is one of those handed-down messages that I have carried internally since early childhood. The understanding that I as a person was not good enough or that anything I did or tried to accomplish was never good enough or no matter the effort, time, and caring would ever be good enough, seeped in, stuck, and has fought against me my entire life.

Author Dean Wesley Smith's recent blog comment states, "Just keep going back and writing more words. Even if you think they suck, which I am 100% convinced every word I write does." So, I suppose this sort of belief is fairly common among writers. At least, I'm in good company. ;-)

As I have done many times before, despite self-doubts and facing a not-good-enough scenario, I keep on keeping on. Today, I will finish the edits, do a final read through, and return to the editor for one last review. THEN the book is ready for formatting for publication (Yikes and Yippee!).

One step at a time. One day at a time. You can actually write a book that way. Despite not feeling or thinking you or your writing is good enough. Because if this good-enough writer gal can do it, anyone can. Honest!

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